Snow
and snow jobs
I’ve been thinking about snow and how I now tire of it at day three.
The day before a snow is chaos, a crisis of white: sudden dearth of dairy, barrenness of bread. The day of is serenity, traffic’s hush, snow plinking like northern lights. Then come the angry backs and broken shovels, favors for neighbors, paid hands who don’t return, traffic snarls, nowhere to park, canceled plans, movie nights, fights.
And then, by day three, it’s ugly, stepped in, smooshed, grimy, black.
It has taken weeks for the tiny, orange snow movers to clean the streets. They woke us up at 5 a.m. the other day and brought rush hour to a halt in front of our house.
But at least they came. At the bottom of the hill, a reminder that they came—several ten-foot mountains of snow—will likely remain until August.
Yesterday, I sat outside letting the sun hit my face, and it felt balmy at 42 degrees after two weeks of single-digit morning temps. The deck was wet, and the snow melt was so powerful that it splashed me a few feet away. Maybe we will see grass soon.
I thought about snow until yesterday at lunchtime, when I was suddenly transported back to the sixth grade
A kid I sat beside in junior high used to lean over and sing in my ear: “Got a skeeter on my peter, whack it off, whack it off….” He was also known for this hit: “Nothing could be finer than to be in her vagina in the mo-o-or-nin’. Nothing could be sweeter than her lips upon my peter in the mo-o-or-nin’.”
I don’t think we take these childish antics—like being called “Moose Miller” because I was an early wearer of the bra—as seriously as we should. It’s 50 years later, and I still remember it (and the names of the boys who sang and said those things). Now it’s called sexual harassment, and while it’s not as serious as trafficking girls to pedophiles, it carries its own trauma.
But I’m thinking about them now because I felt a little retraumatized by Pam Bondi’s testimony yesterday. Sixth grade came flooding back. My heart raced as I heard her nyah-nyah-nyahing on the kitchen TV from my office, where I was redesigning brochures for work. I had to close my door to lower my blood pressure.
My husband devours political content, so it was impossible to escape seeing the words coming from Bondi’s mouth, which is so close to her shit-covered nose that I don’t understand how she isn’t hovering over a toilet 24/7. Did she stop maturing at age 12? The little girl in me needed a hug after that “testimony.”
It’s hard to imagine a single person applauding that behavior, but it was just as hard to imagine Mango Mussolini getting a second chance, post-impeachment, post-fraud conviction, post-pedophilia accusations.
He is now determined to add his name to everything, including New York’s Penn Station and DC’s Dulles Airport, when the only place that name should rightfully appear is on a list of prison inmates—or a headstone.
I’m not watching the Olympics (I’m only ever interested in figure skating and swimming), but I’m cheering on the Olympians who are brave enough to let the world know that they do not support this dictatorship. This bravery comes at a cost, of course: Donald Trump gets to call you a “loser.” It seems that everything he says these days is what the mirror says to him. His obsession with greatness—being called great, seeing his name everywhere, being presented with fake awards—is the result of his consistent failure.
It doesn’t take a psychologist to know that Trump is a pathological narcissist. A quick web search tells you all you need to know:
Diagnostic Criteria for NPD
Lacks empathy: unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
Has a grandiose sense of self-importance. Exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements.
Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
Requires excessive admiration
Believes that he or she is unique or special, and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
Has a sense of entitlement; unreasonable expectations and favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
Interpersonally exploitative – takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own needs
Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
Often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
Lately, I’ve not been so good with my transitions. Maybe this one works.
I would prefer the headstone. Please.